New Blog due to changes

Ok so I know that I already posted but thinking about some of the changes in my life I am probably going to keep this blog for reference but I am probably going to start a new blog.

It is: http://gentlewhisps.blogspot.com/

So if you don't see many more post on this one check out the new link.


Thoughts and Thoughts and more

So I have take up blogging again, it feels good to just let thoughts ramble and I know I am silly so for whatever it's worth it helps most the time to get my thoughts out especially so that I don't stew on them all night long. Get them out so I can sleep.

This year has had so much happen in it that there have been a lot of sleepless nights in it. I hope that most of the hard stuff is over for a while. Let's see: my dad had a mini stroke, my aunt had cancer, my aunt passing away there have been a couple other people that I care about diagnosed with cancer, a grandma who passed away (not my side but significant for my daughter), other decisions that have been made that I have not yet had the means to act on yet (hopefully soon).

Normally even years are better for me then odd years and I look at this year and everything that has happened. Wow it is a lot, I could ask a lot of whys for this year but sometimes we are meant to rest in the fact that God has everything under control.

I am not sure what next year will bring hopefully mostly good, maybe I will get a couple year's break from so much difficult. I have to walk through one more difficult thing but going to wait for that till after Christmas. I am sure that I will write about it eventually but it will be a noticeable thing for most people close to me. I know what God has shown me, I know what I have prayed for, I know that I asked God for direction and I believe he has answered me. I am not looking for approval from anyone because no one really knows what I have been through except for the few that have had also walked a hard walk this year.

I pray for the strength to get through it because it will be so nice to be able to say on the other side. I made it, not alone with God's help. I made it. That will be so nice and rewarding.


That Memory That I Couldn't Remember (Part 2)

Well, here I am it has been a while since I have written and there has been a lot going on in my world. This year has been one of tremendous change. I have made some decisions that well not ready to post about yet however there has been one big big change this year that is really difficult.

I had written a couple years ago how my Aunt had sent some photos of my 4th birthday. Early this year she had told us she had cancer. Most of the people close to me know she had stage 4 and she knew her time was short. My family and I believe in the power of healing and God working miracles. The way God has shown me about death I have a different perspective on it then a lot of people. Not that people who believe what I do wouldn't understand but it is very specific and that will be a post for another day.

That being said my Aunt (Fay Valentine) went to Heaven in June of this year. Things have changed, sometimes I feel when someone dies that they live a full and long life. Sometimes I feel that life has been cut short, my Aunt was 61. Sometimes I think well she lived a full life, not necessarily long. I don't know that her life was cut short but only maybe if the cancer had been found sooner maybe she could have made it longer to be around a bit longer. Then I think things happen for a reason and that when it is someone's time to go that it wouldn't have mattered because if it wasn't cancer it would have been something else. I know some of the things that I am feeling is part of grief.

Now that it is the Christmas time I remember some of the memories I had with her. Most of them are good, some of them well kids make mistakes and get in trouble. Mostly I remember her Love. Her love for her family,  her strength. There are many things that make this difficult at this time. I just will miss her so much, sometimes it is hard to look ahead when someone significant will not be there in the physical world that I know now. However all I can do right now is take one day at a time and know that God has a plan even it is not what I had wanted.


Is it Summer Yet

One thing those of us here on the west side of oregon and washington are wondering. Is summer here yet? Where is the sun we are used at this time of year?

Today was good but what will tomorrow bring. I am so ready for some more sun. I am ready for the warmth that it brings. Pretty soon summer will be over and it will not have lasted long enough. June is almost over and July is right around the corner. I hope that summer is here now. I enjoyed today because it was just right, the sun with the right temperature to enjoy having the doors and windows open. I love it. I hope it stays like this for a while because I love to let in the natural light.

Summer stay like this from now till fall comes. It would be nice.


Late Night Ramblings!!!

Here I am I should be sleeping because of all the reasons why and I can't sleep.
I was listening to a song on my ipod trying to go to sleep when God just speaks through a song. I am wanting to be closer to Him in my personal walk with him and yet I just feel like something is holding me back. More then likely it is myself but things have been more difficult in life then I ever thought they would be.

I know what I want to happen and I believe that God has shown me what is suppose to happen. I am trying to be patient for some of the things that God has said. I know that there are bigger things in store.

My heart's cry is to be helpful, to be able to not only reach to the Stars but to be able to ride the shooting Stars. I feel like there is more then what I have experienced and yet I have the sense of being stuck. I want to change my world more and yet feel like I keep walking in quicksand.

I only pray that I can find my way before I miss it. I pray that I can make tomorrow be brighter then today. I pray that I can know His way that I am truly walking the correct direction. I Love to hear the birds singing, I love smell the rain when there has been a long time between rain fall when everything is going to be fresh. I love to see the snow fall and like a kid I love making snow angels with my daughter. Is it wrong to want more then where I am at? Is wrong to want to reach Higher then where I am at? I hope not because I am looking for that more then the right now. I know I still have somethings to work on but I know I can get there.

Help Lord to get to where I need to be. Help me Lord to keep reaching for you to be able to ride those shooting stars. I just want to be near you.